Aunt Mary

Nov 5, 2013 by Dr. William E. Paer Fairmont

It wasn’t till these recent times that I realized that my Aunt Mary was nuts. What’s more, she had been a dangerous influence in my life even though I hadn’t seen or talked to her for forty or more years. What’s worse is that I had subconsciously cow towed to the likes of her whims and ways my whole life long. Here’s the story of what gave me my valuable insight:

I went back to my home town after living in another country for over ten years. I decided to call “everybody” and Aunt Mary was one of “them.” As I expected, she seemed to be delighted to hear from me. She was as I remembered, always “happy and affectionate.”

We agreed that we should get together, but I told her that I couldn’t be sure of the time and day because of commitments and possibilities, but I would keep in touch so we could firm things up.

The following week I called her again, looking forward to our meeting now that time became available. When she recognized my voice there was a deafening silence. “Hello…hello…,” I said. There followed an explosion of hi-toned, anguished accusing me of being at least the worst person alive on this planet. Hadn’t we agreed to get together at her place Tuesday night?! She made a special dinner in my “honor” and invited her daughter and son-in-law and so on and SO ON! “Naturally” I apologized, but squeezed in that I made no such date with her. I shouldn’t have said that. Actually at that moment anything I might have said would have been a big mistake. Never had she been so INSULTED! NEVER!!

In my flabbergasted innocence I suggested we make another date whereupon I discovered that I was wanted to never be seen again by her, her daughter and son-in-law, or anyone Aunt Mary had ever known or WILL EVER KNOW!

I didn’t realize then what had really happened. That is, not like I realize what was going on as I am telling this story. More than twenty years have passed. Yet, Aunt Mary’s solo flight into some far out emotional dimension related to her private, masochistic apparatus still impresses me.

Something like the following had to have happened: Poor dear Aunt Mary got all excited, or let’s say carried away with the unexpected hearing from her long-lost nephew. She bought food and made phone calls. She cleaned up the house and went on a crash starvation diet. There she was stirring the contents of a pot, planning her opening statements and the telling of special happenings over the years. All the while she knew (subconsciously) that there was no definite meeting confirmed. Yum, yum. As “planned,” the diabolical, masochistic blow-up was much juicier than the excitement of reuniting with the nephew. Come to think of it, she and I didn’t have much of even a superficial interacting relationship ever; that is till this monumental event rolled around.

As for me, I remember holding the phone away from my ear and squinting as every one of her words were broadcast throughout the room. I admit to feeling like a little boy at that moment (I was fifty seven or so at the time). There was no way out. Were’nt nobody could convince Aunt Mary that perhaps she had “made a mistake.” Oh my God, oh my God, don’t even think about saying that! I further admit that I was tempted to think I might actually have done something really, really wrong.

Here’s what occurred to me in these present days as what I consider to be the valuable insight: Aunt Mary is a respected member of the community I was raised in. Give or take particular individualities, she is not much different than thousands that live there. Each of those thousands have their boiling point based on real or imagined provocations. To put it mildly, Aunt Mary’s were imagined. She used me to justify her juicy explosion (It occurred to me that that kind of set-up could be one of her “favorite” ways of getting her sexual jollies). The point is that I realized I had grown up and been dramatically affected by wondering when Aunt Mary (and the other thousands) would blow! In a flash of thought I felt some of the impact in me (my doing—my responsibility) of great gobs of teachers, doctors, politicians, clergymen, police, friends etc. who all walked around in my town with fuses ready to be ignited by real or imagined flames.

I still live in “another country.” When I first got here I experienced a dramatic change. I felt relaxed in a way I had never felt before. Of course, I put a lot of distance between me and thousands of “trigger happy” Aunt Mary’s. Nowadays alas, a good number of Aunt Mary’s have trickled into my new home town. Unfortunately for me they remind me every day to be as careful as possible with them. After all, Aunt Mary´s are nuts.