Fraudulent Life And Its Consequences

Feb 27, 2014 by

Dr. Edmund Bergler called it “Counterfeit Sex.” Since my latest book is titled, We´re Having Sex Right Now!, I feel comfortable widening the concept calling it “Fraudulent Life.” Call it what you like, it’s all fake.


If we take into account our so called civilized society I suppose we would

agree that some defensive (fake) conduct is necessary for social interaction. However, for some centuries now, the fundamental essence of integrated human energy (sexual energy) has been denied in favor of the likes of wholesale manipulation of behavior, massive dependence on mechanical contraptions with their instructions and maintenance requirements, intellectualizing life without experiencing it, and getting money any way you can (just for the sake of getting it). All of these are accomplished with the background music of deceit, anxiety, hate, rage, fantasies, wishful thinking, insecurity and related self-destructive expressions of the desire to suffer, (see We’re Having Sex Right Now!, by Dr. William E. P. Fairmont, 2004). Those conditions convert the concept of fraud into “the way life is.” The essence of living sexual energy is blocked out. Authentic expression is absent. Fraud is no longer fraudulent. The fact is that those who do it best or who simply get away with it are admired and rewarded. Only perverse superficialities are perceived as “real” and “worthwhile.”


“All that is not new,” you say. “Didn’t Shakespeare tell us, ‘All the world’s a stage and all the people are the players’?” “Didn’t Freud try to enlighten us as to the fact that the majority of our instincts and energies are alive in us, but are embedded and stored in a part of our mind that is not within our immediate conscious reach?” “Didn’t he further tell us that we have a very energetic SUCONSCIOUS MIND that wants to do things and does them without our conscious awareness, and that that condition forces us to pretend that we know what we’re doing?”


You’re right! They did tell us things to those effects. However, as time goes on the development of modern technologies and other distractions have combined with greed and envy to push and pull people further and further away from their unified-harmonious psychosexual nature, making perversity the order of the day. These perversities manage our lives. In recent times they have proliferated, becoming more refined, more hysterically intense, and more part of everyday life (globalized).


As a result, life has become more drab, sick and sickening. Yet, almost nobody appears to be particularly upset about these turns of events. Furthermore, even though an acclaimed series of doomsday predictions backed by solid evidence have become popular, doing something about them seems to be on “hold.” Doesn’t it look like the “wanting systems” of human beings are either incapable of doing anything to prevent the announced disasters or these disasters are precisely what people want? I think that there is plenty of evidence for both of these arguments:


Faking life is automatic when authentic life is inhibited, discouraged, and not appreciated because it is not perceived or known, hence; not experienced. This kind of, living without feeling it, became popular around the turn of the last century and gave rise to an increased amount of phony conduct. What happened was that mass production took a lot of importance away from values like the development of good character, the profound significance of the family, and the carefully cultivated acquisition of skills. So when machines, factories, and the objects they produce, suddenly took on tremendous importance, people were sucked into giving up the old values. Little by little the emphasis on money depersonalized day-to-day interchange. Frenetic industrialization drained away the little self-understanding and self-awareness that we had. People were forced to repress their feelings and were left with trying to “figure out” what was going on rather than sensing and experiencing what was happening. Intellectual maneuvering, chicanery, “vocabularic pomposity” in schools and the “professions,” mathematical and scientific gymnastics, religious and political scare tactics, etc. began to receive greater prizes and privileges than hard work. Manual labor was looked on as degrading. On the other hand, putting on certain airs, posing, bullying and other forms of false fronting slithered into vogue. The repressed energies were shoved and squeezed into inhibition and depression, extravagant and outlandish behavior and gangsterism, all of which peaked with the great depression of 1929.


Perhaps of greater negative importance; the insecurity produced by the gradual loss of family unity, drove women to abandon in large measure their psycho-biological identity which significantly upped the insecurity quotient. Proof of this abandonment of mother love is registered in the grotesque history of the latter half of the twentieth century. The befuddlement in people, produced by not being adequately loved and cared for in infancy, turned into monstrousness and grand scale unprecedented cruelty, mayhem, and legalized mass murder. Apparently these manifestations which in one form or another are very exaggerated versions of, “I want my Mommy!!”, have had little or no real effect on our understanding of how motherhood influences our lives. On we go with a plan to blot out the essence of women. We numb them, forcing them to become imitators of men leaving us without mother love more than ever. It looks like the goal is to wipe life out altogether.

Some of the effects of no mother love are furtively demonstrated by everyday rituals that we take for granted. These “obligations” irritate the hell out of us. In spite of that, our resignation to their “necessity” keeps us numb, oblivious to what’s really going on, incapable of thinking creatively, sick (physically and mentally etc.). I’m referring to things like going to school; buying Christmas, birthday etc. presents; paying taxes and all kinds of bills; getting licensed; getting married; serving in the army; looking at the clock at work; standing in line at the bank-movies-check out counter; washing the car-the dog-the front of the house; going to church; cutting the grass; getting the computer-the TV-the swimming pool pump etc. repaired; going to the dentist-the doctor-the lawyer-the courthouse etc. Most people live the major portion of their lives just hoping to “Get those things over with!” From there we drone on into “thing worship,” “money hysteria,” and wars which make the attraction people have to non-life clear to a few of us, but totally unrecognized by the majority.


The play-acting aspect of our thinking and feeling takes over our manner of being without conscious awareness. We automatically learn to kowtow to the complexity of forces associated with the blind hyped-up lust for money. These forces have piled way up high during the past century. Now, they are deeply rooted in our cultures—our way of being. As a consequence they are unavoidably imposed on us in the weakest and most sensitive moments of our lives—that is in our infant days. We are indoctrinated almost immediately after birth as to the importance of money and to the insignificance of ourselves. Our hypnotized, indoctrinated parents and teachers influence us to believe that relating to others should be measured in numbers of dollars and things. Of course they tell us not to think that way. They teach with words but they get to us more with their attitudes and behavior. I think a lot of us sense that that two-faced, double-tongued lesson is all around us everywhere. We eat it, we sleep in it, —we “have sex” in it. There is no escape. When that happens we begin to think and act according to what we calculate our acting can bring us in terms of money. In doing so, we shunt aside emotional and intellectual integrity and could care less. That means our principal indoctrination does not contemplate the gradual attainment of integrated, wholesome sexual fulfillment. Getting money is seen as far more important than whole-hearted satisfaction or even survival, and there are no mothers or fathers around to teach us to take a stand for anything different.


It should be fairly obvious that the greed and envy nature of generalized phoniness is destined to continue with the plan to do away with reasonable and tolerable existence on earth, or let’s just say existence on earth. Understandably however, a more tempered, integrated population could probably still restore prospects for survival. That possibility seems remote when we consider that phonies and fakers don’t “know” (consciously) or can’t admit that they are faking. This problem becomes even more entrenched and out of reach when perverse neurotic energy gets professional, political and popular backing. For example: Many who work in psychology and related fields energetically promote acting out, dressing up, using pornography etc. etc., to enhance their patient’s masturbative struggle to have an orgasm (alone or with partners). Just hinting at the idea that such “jerking off” is FRAUDULENT SEX is met with sneers and other forms of hostile blotting out of such “prudish nonsense.” Yet the fact remains that the likes of off-the-top-of-the-head orgasms and FRAUDULENT LIFE in general are confessions of turning off, cutting off, suppressing genuine feelings and running away from fidelity, respect, appreciation and cultivation of well being in sexual expression. That means all expression in life is by definition at least tinged with faking.


Babies are born with an once-in-a-lifetime delicate sensitivity which diminishes gradually but significantly during their formative years (0-3). They encounter all kinds of stimulations throughout that period which includes a hopped-up, confused, hostile set of circumstances. Most people do get the idea that infants automatically assimilate the particular atmosphere that surrounds them into their personalities. What they don’t get is that human babies receive all stimulation sexually. If the stimulation is tolerable they will have a good chance to maintain contact with their feelings and gradually learn to strengthen and direct them toward favorable outcomes. If the stimulation is intolerable, their feelings tense up and freeze. That obligates them to “make believe” they have feelings. That forces them to scheme and connive with the strongest stimulation in their midst. Their emotional capacities are suppressed and deviated. They remain inhibited, that is to say, they can’t express their sexual energy in an integrated manner. The sexual inhibition acquired in infancy becomes their sexual preference. Their false front—(their image) tries to deny their frustrated development. They are fakers. They are fraudulent. They are too stressed out and sexually bewildered to even consider that they are trying to say, “I want my Mommy!!”

In degrees that vary from person to person this is what happens to all of us.


Strangely enough, FRAUDULENT LIFE is the state preferred by the majority. Yet, a little reasoning tells us there are more desirable alternatives. Furthermore, we can see that fraud (conscious as well as subconscious deceit) stems from fearful inability to accept life and cooperate. Most people force themselves to resort to a myriad of hysterical defensive devices. These phony substitutes for more reasonable expression are destined to lead to continued discomfort and tragic disillusion. That means that FRAUDULENT LIFE guarantees punishment, loss, humiliation, insecurity, disease, and even death. It follows then that assuming there are better ways to live, people should try to get closer to them and live with less fraud. We all know that these “better ways” are brusquely shut out as if they were some kind of poison. For example: Isn’t it curious that nobody seems to even wonder why we have so little tolerance for peace and quiet? Apparently there is a great fear of being straightforward or being around someone who is. We can say then that if someone dares to live in a forthright manner, he or she will be isolated from most of the interactions in this world. With luck and being careful, he or she might not be severely punished.


The opposite of guaranteed suffering (FRAUDULENT LIFE) is self-understanding. This elusive knowledge appears to be generally unwanted and hence it is almost never sought after. Worse yet, it can only be achieved when adequate conditions are present.

In today’s world there are few if any places where there are adequate conditions available for the development of self-understanding. There is too much noise, as well as too many distractions and obligations that are linked to the threats and the senseless pressures in FRAUDULENT LIFE. That leaves us with the continued absence of self-understanding as the dominant life style. To compensate; the fake, defensive, neurotic superstructure appears automatically, hoping in vain that no one will see through the false front. All that faking is subconsciously designed to hide the real passionate energies (fear, rage, sadness, confusion, insecurity, etc. etc.). In other words, people force themselves to be what they are not. All the while self-understanding is right in front of their noses, if they can only find a way to calm down.


Calming down seems to be difficult because our governments, religions, cultures, buildings etc. and even trends (which are all part of the phony social substructure and superstructure) suck up practically all of our sexual energy. Therefore everything we stand for, do, and want; has a good dose of infantile, unresolved, undigested wrongness in it. That’s why the expression of our energies is almost always totally absurd.

Those who dare to calm down are “out of it.” The “in crowd” (the majority) are reared without the adequate tender loving care that only good mothers can provide. Their members are destined to become one more in a bunch of pseudo-sophisticated babbling savages who spew out silliness and try to pull off swindles. That’s pretty much what we are, and that’s why we don’t have what it takes to solve our problems.


Under the FRAUDULENT LIFE regimen there is no LOVE. LOVE comes from being LOVED consistently and constantly in our earliest days (the first three years of life). That means baby must have a mother and father capable of dedicating themselves to nurturing and protecting their child such that he or she will develop trust and confidence. That fundamental serenity enables baby to grow with ever increasing self-appreciation. Fortunate babies and their parents, see life as an exciting adventure as hour by hour, day by day, new strength, skills, and wisdom accumulate and eventually flower into a satisfying adolescence and adulthood. The going system doesn’t provide us with graduates from a formation of serenity like I have described here.

The going system obligates babies to deny their reality from the beginning. They are force fed the idea that they must conform to what’s already here and served up to them…OR ELSE! Self-denial makes for instant inner conflict and insecurity. Early on, many of us are forced to become actors. Many like to fake it to manipulate their world. Some work it out to get so called “success” because they figure out how to get money. Certain of these thespians (politicians, some professionals and business people, “artists” on stage and screen), and those who perform tricks and stunts (sports figures, certain thieves, intellectual wizards), are rewarded because they distract us from the fact that we have been ripped away from our capacities to think clearly, work vigorously, and relate LOVINGLY to one another. In the process those who distract us obviously lose contact with themselves. They’re so “good” at acting that they, like the rest of us, fool themselves into thinking they’ve done marvelously well… that is, until the roof falls in.


Nowadays our strengths, talents, and even our health concerns have to be spectacular or we are shunted off to a “low-level”—repetitive, boring routine in some sort of slavery, supposedly to serve the needs of the spectacular people. The “spectaculars” of course are pressured to keep their spectacularness ever more super-duper—colossal—whiz bang—whoop-de-doo for fear of dropping down into “mediocrity” or “has-been-ness.” All in all there’s no feel to it—no satisfaction. It’s all pressure and compulsion, under threats of punishment.

To add to this futility there’s something even worse or better (depending on how you look at it) wrapped up in the preferred FRAUDULENT LIFE: We are sexual beings. We respond to all stimulation (good and bad) sexually. Therefore… [and this is the one people fight desperately to not understand and to God forbid apply to themselves] –Where were we? Oh yes…Therefore… we learn to sexually love the most intense stimulations that we encounter when we are most stimulatable. That is when we are infants (birth to three years). As such, it seems right to conclude that if the stimulation we receive in infancy is good and tolerable, we stand an excellent chance of wanting sexually to grow up moving toward increasing self-esteem, satisfaction and authentic self expression. If however, the stimulation during infancy is not tolerable, we stand a better than good chance of wanting sexually to move toward increasing denial of our feelings, opinions and states of being in general. We can therefore learn to adapt, to like what we don’t like and become “successful fakers” or take the alternative which is to sulk, get sick, fight back and seek to repeat the negative stimulation over and over again which may lead to homicide or suicide. Both of these plans require a good quantity of psychic masochism (Bergler), which is an automatic subconscious defense mechanism that converts displeasure into sexual pleasure.


If therefore, the nature of what our lives will develop into is heavily dependent on what happens during the first three years, doesn’t it seem reasonable to direct attention and resources to that period of time with an eye toward providing infants with adequate circumstances that will lead to a better life for them? Doesn’t it seem appropriate to nurture and carefully care for women so that they can minister to us (mother us) and help us automatically seek favorable outcomes?

But wait a minute! Who am I talking to? Are you somebody who wants to help us automatically seek favorable outcomes? Were you raised to do that or were you raised like most of us, to swallow what was already here and served up to us? Isn’t it likely that you were taught, under threat of punishment, to conform and put aside your individuality? It sure looks like that without being aware of what was happening, you automatically became part of the pack, did what you were told to do, and practically forgot that you existed.

I know. You’re different. You had wonderful parents, marvelous schooling, the best country and religion, faithful friends, a great diet, a fantastic……………….etc. etc.

Dr. William E. Paer Fairmont Clinical Psychologist

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