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Newsletter
  January 25, 2011
WATCH THIS EXCERPT OF DR. WILLIAM E. P. FAIRMONT'S ENERGETIC EXPOSITION ABOUT HIS BOOK, WE'RE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW!, AT EVERGLADES UNIVERSITY, ORLANDO, FLA.
Author of We’re Having Sex Right Now! At
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnEmaDHbS90
August 9, 2008
MEET THE AUTHOR
Click here to see Dr. William E. P. Fairmont, Clinical Psychologist, give an introductory chat about his book WE'RE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IY7mGNR_2k
April 22, 2007
FRAUDULENT LIFE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
© Paer Fairmont, 2007
Part I of Four Parts
Dr. Edmund Bergler called it “Counterfeit Sex.” Since my latest book is titled, We´re Having Sex Right Now!, I feel comfortable widening the concept calling it “Fraudulent Life.” Call it what you like, it’s all fake.
REAL IS UNREAL—PERVERSE IS WORTHWHILE
If we take into account our so called civilized society I suppose we would
agree that some defensive (fake) conduct is necessary for social interaction. However, for some centuries now, the fundamental essence of integrated human energy (sexual energy) has been denied in favor of the likes of wholesale manipulation of behavior, massive dependence on mechanical contraptions with their instructions and maintenance requirements, intellectualizing life without experiencing it, and getting money any way you can (just for the sake of getting it). All of these are accomplished with the background music of deceit, anxiety, hate, rage, fantasies, wishful thinking, insecurity and related self-destructive expressions of the desire to suffer, (see We’re Having Sex Right Now!, by Dr. William E. P. Fairmont, 2004). Those conditions convert the concept of fraud into “the way life is.” The essence of living sexual energy is blocked out. Authentic expression is absent. Fraud is no longer fraudulent. The fact is that those who do it best or who simply get away with it are admired and rewarded. Only perverse superficialities are perceived as “real” and “worthwhile.”
THEY SAID IT BEFORE AND THEY’LL SAY IT AGAIN
“All that is not new,” you say. “Didn’t Shakespeare tell us, ‘All the world’s a stage and all the people are the players’?” “Didn’t Freud try to enlighten us as to the fact that the majority of our instincts and energies are alive in us, but are embedded and stored in a part of our mind that is not within our immediate conscious reach?” “Didn’t he further tell us that we have a very energetic SUCONSCIOUS MIND that wants to do things and does them without our conscious awareness, and that that condition forces us to pretend that we know what we’re doing?”
GLOBALIZED WORSENING
You’re right! They did tell us things to those effects. However, as time goes on the development of modern technologies and other distractions have combined with greed and envy to push and pull people further and further away from their unified-harmonious psychosexual nature, making perversity the order of the day. These perversities manage our lives. In recent times they have proliferated, becoming more refined, more hysterically intense, and more part of everyday life (globalized).
WHAT DO THE “WANTING SYSTEMS” WANT?
As a result, life has become more drab, sick and sickening. Yet, almost nobody appears to be particularly upset about these turns of events. Furthermore, even though an acclaimed series of doomsday predictions backed by solid evidence have become popular, doing something about them seems to be on “hold.” Doesn’t it look like the “wanting systems” of human beings are either incapable of doing anything to prevent the announced disasters or these disasters are precisely what people want? I think that there is plenty of evidence for both of these arguments:
FAKING HAS A COLORFUL HISTORY
Faking life is automatic when authentic life is inhibited, discouraged, and not appreciated because it is not perceived or known, hence; not experienced. This kind of, living without feeling it, became popular around the turn of the last century and gave rise to an increased amount of phony conduct. What happened was that mass production took a lot of importance away from values like the development of good character, the profound significance of the family, and the carefully cultivated acquisition of skills. So when machines, factories, and the objects they produce, suddenly took on tremendous importance, people were sucked into giving up the old values. Little by little the emphasis on money depersonalized day-to-day interchange. Frenetic industrialization drained away the little self-understanding and self-awareness that we had. People were forced to repress their feelings and were left with trying to “figure out” what was going on rather than sensing and experiencing what was happening. Intellectual maneuvering, chicanery, “vocabularic pomposity” in schools and the “professions,” mathematical and scientific gymnastics, religious and political scare tactics, etc. began to receive greater prizes and privileges than hard work. Manual labor was looked on as degrading. On the other hand, putting on certain airs, posing, bullying and other forms of false fronting slithered into vogue. The repressed energies were shoved and squeezed into inhibition and depression, extravagant and outlandish behavior and gangsterism, all of which peaked with the great depression of 1929.
WHY KEEP ON LIVING WITHOUT MOTHER LOVE?
Perhaps of greater negative importance; the insecurity produced by the gradual loss of family unity, drove women to abandon in large measure their psycho-biological identity which significantly upped the insecurity quotient. Proof of this abandonment of mother love is registered in the grotesque history of the latter half of the twentieth century. The befuddlement in people, produced by not being adequately loved and cared for in infancy, turned into monstrousness and grand scale unprecedented cruelty, mayhem, and legalized mass murder. Apparently these manifestations which in one form or another are very exaggerated versions of, “I want my Mommy!!”, have had little or no real effect on our understanding of how motherhood influences our lives. On we go with a plan to blot out the essence of women. We numb them, forcing them to become imitators of men leaving us without mother love more than ever. It looks like the goal is to wipe life out altogether.
Some of the effects of no mother love are furtively demonstrated by everyday rituals that we take for granted. These “obligations” irritate the hell out of us. In spite of that, our resignation to their “necessity” keeps us numb, oblivious to what’s really going on, incapable of thinking creatively, sick (physically and mentally etc.). I’m referring to things like going to school; buying Christmas, birthday etc. presents; paying taxes and all kinds of bills; getting licensed; getting married; serving in the army; looking at the clock at work; standing in line at the bank-movies-check out counter; washing the car-the dog-the front of the house; going to church; cutting the grass; getting the computer-the TV-the swimming pool pump etc. repaired; going to the dentist-the doctor-the lawyer-the courthouse etc. Most people live the major portion of their lives just hoping to “Get those things over with!” From there we drone on into “thing worship,” “money hysteria,” and wars which make the attraction people have to non-life clear to a few of us, but totally unrecognized by the majority.
Part II of Four Parts
FAKING IS IMPLANTED IN OUR SUBCONSCIOUS FROM THE WORD GO!
The play-acting aspect of our thinking and feeling takes over our manner of being without conscious awareness. We automatically learn to kowtow to the complexity of forces associated with the blind hyped-up lust for money. These forces have piled way up high during the past century. Now, they are deeply rooted in our cultures—our way of being. As a consequence they are unavoidably imposed on us in the weakest and most sensitive moments of our lives—that is in our infant days. We are indoctrinated almost immediately after birth as to the importance of money and to the insignificance of ourselves. Our hypnotized, indoctrinated parents and teachers influence us to believe that relating to others should be measured in numbers of dollars and things. Of course they tell us not to think that way. They teach with words but they get to us more with their attitudes and behavior. I think a lot of us sense that that two-faced, double-tongued lesson is all around us everywhere. We eat it, we sleep in it, —we “have sex” in it. There is no escape. When that happens we begin to think and act according to what we calculate our acting can bring us in terms of money. In doing so, we shunt aside emotional and intellectual integrity and could care less. That means our principal indoctrination does not contemplate the gradual attainment of integrated, wholesome sexual fulfillment. Getting money is seen as far more important than whole-hearted satisfaction or even survival, and there are no mothers or fathers around to teach us to take a stand for anything different.
FRAUDULENT LIFE GETS PLENTY OF “PROFESSIONAL” SUPPORT
It should be fairly obvious that the greed and envy nature of generalized phoniness is destined to continue with the plan to do away with reasonable and tolerable existence on earth, or let’s just say existence on earth. Understandably however, a more tempered, integrated population could probably still restore prospects for survival. That possibility seems remote when we consider that phonies and fakers don’t “know” (consciously) or can’t admit that they are faking. This problem becomes even more entrenched and out of reach when perverse neurotic energy gets professional, political and popular backing. For example: Many who work in psychology and related fields energetically promote acting out, dressing up, using pornography etc. etc., to enhance their patient’s masturbative struggle to have an orgasm (alone or with partners). Just hinting at the idea that such “jerking off” is FRAUDULENT SEX is met with sneers and other forms of hostile blotting out of such “prudish nonsense.” Yet the fact remains that the likes of off-the-top-of-the-head orgasms and FRAUDULENT LIFE in general are confessions of turning off, cutting off, suppressing genuine feelings and running away from fidelity, respect, appreciation and cultivation of well being in sexual expression. That means all expression in life is by definition at least tinged with faking.
JUST A BRIEF RE-CAP ON HOW FRAUDULENT LIFE COMES INTO BEING:
Babies are born with an once-in-a-lifetime delicate sensitivity which diminishes gradually but significantly during their formative years (0-3). They encounter all kinds of stimulations throughout that period which includes a hopped-up, confused, hostile set of circumstances. Most people do get the idea that infants automatically assimilate the particular atmosphere that surrounds them into their personalities. What they don’t get is that human babies receive all stimulation sexually. If the stimulation is tolerable they will have a good chance to maintain contact with their feelings and gradually learn to strengthen and direct them toward favorable outcomes. If the stimulation is intolerable, their feelings tense up and freeze. That obligates them to “make believe” they have feelings. That forces them to scheme and connive with the strongest stimulation in their midst. Their emotional capacities are suppressed and deviated. They remain inhibited, that is to say, they can’t express their sexual energy in an integrated manner. The sexual inhibition acquired in infancy becomes their sexual preference. Their false front—(their image) tries to deny their frustrated development. They are fakers. They are fraudulent. They are too stressed out and sexually bewildered to even consider that they are trying to say, “I want my Mommy!!”
In degrees that vary from person to person this is what happens to all of us.
Part III of Four Parts
FRAUDULENT LIFE IS PREFERRED AND EVEN GLORIFIED
Strangely enough, FRAUDULENT LIFE is the state preferred by the majority. Yet, a little reasoning tells us there are more desirable alternatives. Furthermore, we can see that fraud (conscious as well as subconscious deceit) stems from fearful inability to accept life and cooperate. Most people force themselves to resort to a myriad of hysterical defensive devices. These phony substitutes for more reasonable expression are destined to lead to continued discomfort and tragic disillusion. That means that FRAUDULENT LIFE guarantees punishment, loss, humiliation, insecurity, disease, and even death. It follows then that assuming there are better ways to live, people should try to get closer to them and live with less fraud. We all know that these “better ways” are brusquely shut out as if they were some kind of poison. For example: Isn’t it curious that nobody seems to even wonder why we have so little tolerance for peace and quiet? Apparently there is a great fear of being straightforward or being around someone who is. We can say then that if someone dares to live in a forthright manner, he or she will be isolated from most of the interactions in this world. With luck and being careful, he or she might not be severely punished.
WHAT THEN IS THE OPPOSITE OF FRAUDULENT LIFE?
The opposite of guaranteed suffering (FRAUDULENT LIFE) is self-understanding. This elusive knowledge appears to be generally unwanted and hence it is almost never sought after. Worse yet, it can only be achieved when adequate conditions are present.
In today’s world there are few if any places where there are adequate conditions available for the development of self-understanding. There is too much noise, as well as too many distractions and obligations that are linked to the threats and the senseless pressures in FRAUDULENT LIFE. That leaves us with the continued absence of self-understanding as the dominant life style. To compensate; the fake, defensive, neurotic superstructure appears automatically, hoping in vain that no one will see through the false front. All that faking is subconsciously designed to hide the real passionate energies (fear, rage, sadness, confusion, insecurity, etc. etc.). In other words, people force themselves to be what they are not. All the while self-understanding is right in front of their noses, if they can only find a way to calm down.
WITHOUT GOOD MOTHERS, NO ENERGY LEFT FOR PROBLEM SOLVING
Calming down seems to be difficult because our governments, religions, cultures, buildings etc. and even trends (which are all part of the phony social substructure and superstructure) suck up practically all of our sexual energy. Therefore everything we stand for, do, and want; has a good dose of infantile, unresolved, undigested wrongness in it. That’s why the expression of our energies is almost always totally absurd.
Those who dare to calm down are “out of it.” The “in crowd” (the majority) are reared without the adequate tender loving care that only good mothers can provide. Their members are destined to become one more in a bunch of pseudo-sophisticated babbling savages who spew out silliness and try to pull off swindles. That’s pretty much what we are, and that’s why we don’t have what it takes to solve our problems.
Part IV of Four Parts
FRAUDULENT LIFE = NO LOVE
Under the FRAUDULENT LIFE regimen there is no LOVE. LOVE comes from being LOVED consistently and constantly in our earliest days (the first three years of life). That means baby must have a mother and father capable of dedicating themselves to nurturing and protecting their child such that he or she will develop trust and confidence. That fundamental serenity enables baby to grow with ever increasing self-appreciation. Fortunate babies and their parents, see life as an exciting adventure as hour by hour, day by day, new strength, skills, and wisdom accumulate and eventually flower into a satisfying adolescence and adulthood. The going system doesn’t provide us with graduates from a formation of serenity like I have described here.
The going system obligates babies to deny their reality from the beginning. They are force fed the idea that they must conform to what’s already here and served up to them…OR ELSE! Self-denial makes for instant inner conflict and insecurity. Early on, many of us are forced to become actors. Many like to fake it to manipulate their world. Some work it out to get so called “success” because they figure out how to get money. Certain of these thespians (politicians, some professionals and business people, “artists” on stage and screen), and those who perform tricks and stunts (sports figures, certain thieves, intellectual wizards), are rewarded because they distract us from the fact that we have been ripped away from our capacities to think clearly, work vigorously, and relate LOVINGLY to one another. In the process those who distract us obviously lose contact with themselves. They’re so “good” at acting that they, like the rest of us, fool themselves into thinking they’ve done marvelously well… that is, until the roof falls in.
NO LOVE = DISTORED—DEVIANT LIFE
Nowadays our strengths, talents, and even our health concerns have to be spectacular or we are shunted off to a “low-level”—repetitive, boring routine in some sort of slavery, supposedly to serve the needs of the spectacular people. The “spectaculars” of course are pressured to keep their spectacularness ever more super-duper—colossal—whiz bang—whoop-de-doo for fear of dropping down into “mediocrity” or “has-been-ness.” All in all there’s no feel to it—no satisfaction. It’s all pressure and compulsion, under threats of punishment.
To add to this futility there’s something even worse or better (depending on how you look at it) wrapped up in the preferred FRAUDULENT LIFE: We are sexual beings. We respond to all stimulation (good and bad) sexually. Therefore… [and this is the one people fight desperately to not understand and to God forbid apply to themselves] –Where were we? Oh yes…Therefore… we learn to sexually love the most intense stimulations that we encounter when we are most stimulatable. That is when we are infants (birth to three years). As such, it seems right to conclude that if the stimulation we receive in infancy is good and tolerable, we stand an excellent chance of wanting sexually to grow up moving toward increasing self-esteem, satisfaction and authentic self expression. If however, the stimulation during infancy is not tolerable, we stand a better than good chance of wanting sexually to move toward increasing denial of our feelings, opinions and states of being in general. We can therefore learn to adapt, to like what we don’t like and become “successful fakers” or take the alternative which is to sulk, get sick, fight back and seek to repeat the negative stimulation over and over again which may lead to homicide or suicide. Both of these plans require a good quantity of psychic masochism (Bergler), which is an automatic subconscious defense mechanism that converts displeasure into sexual pleasure.
KNOWING ALL THIS, WHAT SHOULD BE OUR REACTION?
If therefore, the nature of what our lives will develop into is heavily dependent on what happens during the first three years, doesn’t it seem reasonable to direct attention and resources to that period of time with an eye toward providing infants with adequate circumstances that will lead to a better life for them? Doesn’t it seem appropriate to nurture and carefully care for women so that they can minister to us (mother us) and help us automatically seek favorable outcomes?
But wait a minute! Who am I talking to? Are you somebody who wants to help us automatically seek favorable outcomes? Were you raised to do that or were you raised like most of us, to swallow what was already here and served up to us? Isn’t it likely that you were taught, under threat of punishment, to conform and put aside your individuality? It sure looks like that without being aware of what was happening, you automatically became part of the pack, did what you were told to do, and practically forgot that you existed.
I know. You’re different. You had wonderful parents, marvelous schooling, the best country and religion, faithful friends, a great diet, a fantastic……………….etc. etc.
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February 15, 2007
GREED AND ENVY
© Paer Fairmont, 2007
It’s frighteningly interesting, that apocalyptic global warming is announcing the end of the earth and of all her living creatures. It has also been cited over and over again that the doings of human beings are the cause of it all.
This information has been available to us for the past fifty years or so. Nowadays, tangible signs of such eventualities are all around us in ever increasing leaps and bounds. These cataclysmic circumstances are strangely enough presented as sort of a sidelight on the news, along with opposing opinions that try to cast doubt on the effects of global warming even though we are incessantly experiencing them.
To add to this ambivalent mess, these arguments against the realities of global warming are presented at the same time that we are living with wild, grotesque, unprecedented climactic tragedies that go hand in hand with world-wide, out-of-control mental aberrations in every area of life.
Apparently however, to almost no one’s amazement, these facts that are heralding the end of the world, don’t seem to be able to make a dent in what by all indications is a global neurotic commitment to greed and envy.
Our leaders insist on getting “MORE.” (More roads, more industries, bigger ports; greater sterile, money-making schemes; more extortion (taxes), more planet destruction, more violence, more war…). They insist on this in spite of the fact that the famous “MORE” philosophy has never and will never produce a happier, healthier life.
What doesn’t surprise me is that no amount of reasoning is capable of penetrating this hysterical quest for “MORE.” (Neurosis doesn’t respond to common sense, to struggling, or even to force.)
“MORE” by the way doesn’t include abundance as one of its goals. The fact is that “MORE” produces scarcities which develop into “MORE” greed and envy.
In order to go get “MORE” at any cost we are obligated to produce any old thing that brings in money. That includes a whole gamut of goods and services that we don’t need including drug trafficking and other “criminalized” activities designed to do away with life. Without doubt, the “MORE” dictum and the enforcement of it, helps to produce the market for drug use and criminality in general. As a consequence, this kind of “MORE” always produces LESS.
Although apparently the “MORE” system makes some kind of “sense” to a good many people, none of it makes sense to me. The one way street nature of it all obliges us to live a life bereft of wisdom. It clearly doesn’t matter to the “clunko get dollars system” that there is no space in it for a reasonable understanding of human beings. As a matter of fact it has become practically impossible to even bring up the subject of what people are all about. That’s because they have no preparation in understanding themselves. Furthermore, due to their blind sexual adhesion to their neurosis, they abhor the idea of self-understanding. And yet, precisely the disintegrated condition of people is what is producing the insane march toward the demise of everything.
Sure enough, we indeed are permitted to budget for “this” and assign funds for “that,” with great aplomb. We are also allowed to manipulate interest rates, play around with inflation; and struggle to avoid depression etc. etc. All the while however, it’s taboo to acknowledge that we feel depressed. Most of the time feeling anything is frowned upon. That leaves us with a pitiful alternative: Instead of being in touch with your feelings… FAKE THEM.
What’s really going on? The thing is that greed and envy are UNCONSCIOUS, deviant, psychological conditions. (Be careful! Mental illness is catching!) Clearly, the world is caught up in a self-defeating orgy of greed and envy, UNCONSCIOUSLY controlled by wayward, infantile passions. (Read, WE’RE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW! by the author of this article.)
Now we’ve come to the nitty-gritty of the matter. To explain:
The passions stored in the UNCONSCIOUS mind are what really and truly run the show! The problem is that UNCONSCIOUS not only means—out of conscious awareness—but that there is a strong force in human beings that keeps those passions from being consciously perceived. Those inhibited, yet energetic sexual passions are not permitted free expression by the persons that harbor them. They stay imprisoned inside people who SUBCONSCIOUSLY think their passions are personally and socially unacceptable. No doubt the restrictions and self-deceit described here are helped to work their way into a person’s life by parents, teachers, and society in general. That’s because the decisions that repress and deny those sexual passions are mostly made during the earliest years of life when we’re tender and vulnerable. As such, people assume that their true sexual passions can’t be remembered or expressed. Better described, people don’t want to remember or express them.
Humans are sexual beings. Hence, everything in their lives is developed, processed and executed sexually.
In that these innumerable sexual energies are bottled up in the UNCONSCIOUS, people still think that it’s O.K. to leave them alone, not understand them, humiliate them, “forget” about them, remain ignorant of them and use other tactics to make believe they aren’t there and “don’t count.” Nonetheless they are there, and if left to their own perverse devices they will continue to lead us to ever- increasing devastation.
Greed and Envy are not even recognized for what they are. They are manifestations (symptoms) of deep-seated psychological disorder. People are so swept up in compensating for their “secret” sexual commitment to rejection and suffering that they can’t calm down even for a minute. They hysterically invest more and more in superficial schemes that do not produce a nit of satisfaction. Yet they greedily push on, insisting that some kind of “MORE” will fill up their unfillable emptiness.
Greed and Envy are infantile brain energies that function without the integrated ‘say so’ of the total organism. Like a cancer, they consume the host person, blotting out any hope for reasonable fulfilling experience and expression. All of this suicidal activity (and that means let’s say 90% of all activity) is a tedious lie designed to ward off the fixations, fears, and even inhibited physical postures acquired in infancy.
All of this defies and betrays the laws of nature, and as the saying goes, “Ignorance of the law is no excuse.” Punishment is automatically meted out. As long as the root of the problem is ignored and even pooh-poohed (out of consciousness and fearfully ridiculed) we cannot reasonably hope for anything more than a constant increase in god-awful disasters. The root of the problem is in the mal-formation of the UNCONSCIOUS MIND of people. Real change for the better can only be achieved by bringing these deviant, UNCONSCIOUS passions to the conscious mind.
Is there anyone out there who wants to attack this real cause of the dangers to our existence announced every day with diabolical pomp and circumstance? Is there anyone out there that dares to start with carefully and correctly taking a look at themselves?
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September 25, 2006
HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT?... IMPOSSIBLE!
© Paer Fairmont, 2006
Note: The above is an old saying which means, if you eat the cake you no longer have it.
Almost every patient that looks for help from a psychotherapist seeks something at the outset that they can never get: They want relief from the consequences of their self-destructive behavior but they don’t want to change their behavior.
At this time Costa Rica can be likened to a neurotic individual who is driving itself more and more crazy every day. Like those who suffer from self-administered conflicts, Costa Rica is on a collision course toward self-destruction.
The other day I heard a television commentator (all dressed in white to commemorate The International Day of Peace) say something like: “Thank God we live in this island of peace. God bless Costa Rica for that. Too bad however, that we have so much violence. It’s pathetic. All kinds of crime including murder is the order of the day and no one seems to be exempt; but how fortunate we are to be in Costa Rica, the land of peace.” The commentator also noted that she had been in television for many years and for all that time the main theme has been violence and associated atrocities. What kind of peace is she talking about?
Now we are asked to accept the notion that we have two alternatives to cure the violence. One, counter violence (violence engenders violence) and two, community education that informs our citizens of the consequences of violent behavior and the like. Like the neurotic patient, there is no self-exploration in these tactics and as such the promise of spiraling even more devastating violence maintains its devilish trajectory.
The powers that be and their extended families want us to play in the big leagues. Even though we’re little, they want us to play as if we were big. In psychology, we call that inappropriate self-glorification—“ego ideal”— which is an unconscious defense mechanism that doesn’t correspond to reality.
Additionally they tell us that we must concentrate on attracting big industries and big money to invest in Costa Rica, and with that will come the fulfillment of what others tell us should be our primary goals: Employment, employment, and employment which of course means; serve the passions and objectives of others, renouncing our own creativities, acumen, idiosyncrasies and special yearnings.
The so called big business which has been questioned for so many years has an inherent dependency on technology which obligates us to prepare people to operate and maintain equipment of one kind or another. In the process of dedicating oneself to technology one is supposedly led to believe that family life not only will not suffer but will benefit from these machines that are foreign to the basic Tico nature. (I believe they are foreign to everybody’s nature.)
The “educational” preparation to satisfy the needs of the machines and those who own them, distract people: As they knock themselves out to get a few bucks, they lose hope of ever integrating with higher special energies. They spend their money on goods and services invented and offered by other out of touch human beings. Satisfaction is non-existent. What is sought after is momentary irritation which substitutes for the potential of a life full of love.
Women are encouraged to get out and get money to supposedly strengthen the “position” of the family which in actuality is great promotion for criminal life of all kinds. It’s a more than vicious circle: Children are abandoned to, at best, day care centers usually “manned” by women who “have to” abandon their own families and feel the guilt and frustration inherent in that. (I can just hear some flat affect congressman (woman) pooh-poohing the devastating effects of this absence-of-love routine.) The abandoned children feel they are worthless. They are not taught to have worth by capacitating them according to their strengths and limitations. They are taught they have no purpose…”yet.” This formula of abandonment and purposelessness is perfect for the formation of an army of delinquents. This same formula however is extolled in our society as the route to progress and prosperity. In reality what we see is domestic violence, divorce and general humiliation of the spirit of life in the name of what’s “best” for us.
All the while we live with the specter of increased costs of living, increased taxation; increased pollution, increased life manipulation (food, water, air, energy sources are heavily taxed and controlled). At the same time refreshing, life-enhancing alternatives are summarily suppressed. The burden of these obligations doesn’t offer time or peaceful enough circumstances to adequately reflect on what we’re doing. The likes of introspection, meditation, and solemnity in interaction are shunted off into the misunderstood and not understood. Possibilities for the emergence of a more reasonable spiritual climate are the butt of snide sarcasm. As so many gringos say, “First, we have to feed the monster.”
No Costa Rica, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. The answer for all of us is self-understanding and self-perception. That entails the recognition of our strengths and weaknesses such that this hysterical quest for empty “luxuries” will stop separating those with money from those who are held at margin and practically forced to turn to criminality and violence to express their helplessness and indignation.
The product of self-understanding and self-perception is what the great philosophers, psychologists, and religious leaders of all time have yearned for and in some cases even practiced: A unity, an identification with the spirit of all mankind and all that is intimacy and respect for our essence. That definition is incompatible with a society that forces its inhabitants to live in senseless conflict with themselves and society itself. The problem is that we don’t have a tangible enough understanding of what the conflicts are and where they come from which leaves us doomed to live as victims of obsessions, compulsions, addictions and wayward passions. What’s more, as sexual beings we are stimulated by and are forced to adhere to these negative energy formations because they convert themselves into sexual preferences. The outcome is we don’t know where or how to start a betterment of things because we don’t understand who and what is the enemy (which is the energy force in each of us that insists on and practices the pursuit of suffering).
Of course we deny everything that’s been stated here. Why? Because we want our cake but we want to eat it too! Absurd!
Note: To begin your adventure in self-understanding and self-perception, read We’re Having Sex Right Now! by Dr. William E. P., Fairmont, author of this article.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
The Real Heroes
© William Paer, 2006
Perhaps a new and better definition of human beings should be: “Beings that fool themselves and give great, pompous support to their erroneous beliefs. Their objective is to avoid knowing what they’re really all about. They are therefore eminently self-destructive.” One of their best vehicles for attaining and maintaining self-trickery is the use of words.
For example, I’ve noticed that the words ‘hero or heroine’ are defined as persons who are distinguished for exceptional courage, fortitude, or bold enterprise etc. Nowadays that could include political leaders as well as those who oppose them, sports figures who break records, “saintly” self-sacrificing religious devotees, soldiers who die in battle, militant advocates of “important causes,” or authorities in science, the arts, entertainment and finances.
Curiously, when we observe these kinds of “heroes” under the "psychological microscope” we find that their extraordinary efforts and achievements are largely or totally motivated by urges to escape or compensate for some kind of shock, instability, disappointment, or humiliation suffered in their infancy and early childhood.
I could very well leave you right there so you could have plenty of time to criticize and otherwise undermine the assertion just stated, but I can’t resist carrying it a bit further to support the conclusions that I will present at the end of this declaration:
Almost all world leaders and those who oppose them, derive extraordinary, overbalanced financial and I suppose emotional “benefits” from their exploits. Their manners and means usually have a tint of dishonesty or down right criminality mixed into their professed nobility. Generally at least some people and sometimes massive quantities of them die or become permanently disfigured as a result of the intervention of these kinds of heroes.
There are no record breaking “sports heroes” who get up one day and conquer time, distance, weight, the strength of other humans etc. Every one of them has to put aside all kinds of distractions, “pleasures,” and emotional involvements in general. Instead they “discipline” their organisms to perform some extraordinary feat. Sometimes they even die in the process. In every case, their interest is personal gain. Some will stop at nothing. In most cases, involvement in their respective sports is a quirk of fate. They have physical or mental attributes that virtually oblige them to participate as well as psychological motivation that maintains their “fundamental problems” safely tucked away in subconsciousness.
“Saintly” self-sacrificing religious devotees go into supernatural spheres as they execute their “heroic” deeds in the natural world. They too are looking for “personal gain” and “satisfaction” as they “cure” people, “set the example” and allegedly “forget” all about their own feelings, options, goals, etc. in the name of someone else. Sometimes these “heroes” blow themselves up and call that a supreme sacrifice.
A first cousin of the “saints” described above are soldiers who die in battle. I wonder how many of them know why they’re there in the first place. Their medals and commendations are usually contingent on getting killed or at least maimed in the process of “fighting for their country.” It’s interesting to note that almost all of the maimed heroes have a hard time integrating in society after getting their medals.
The militant advocates of “causes” usually purported to exist in the best interest of humanity always claim “injustice.” Curiously, they need the alleged “injustice” to stay in business. The question is what do they do when the injustice goes away? Apparently their heroism goes away too when things more or less settle down.
Authorities in science, arts, entertainment, and financial matters are gratification seekers who seem to never get enough. They thrill us, intimidate us and provide us with all kinds of stimulation that are outgrowths of their personal life’s complexities. Some of them are capable of hard work and study. In quest of their achievements many of them get more notoriety from their “imperfections” and scandals that seem to accompany many heroes of this kind as they bask in the lime light.
Well if this article puts popularly understood heroism in perspective or not, who then are the “real heroes” that are promised in the title of this essay? Before I reveal their identity, it’s important to note that the heroes mentioned above inspire admiration, or fear, or hysteria, or some kind of primitive OVER reaction in those of us who walk around creating such heroes. In other words if a grand number of people didn’t get their jollies from being overwhelmed by the attributes and actions of these folks, they would likely turn out to be one more of us in search of working out some kind of solution to the problem of being alive on this planet.
Now here it comes: For me, there are real heroes among us. For me, these are the people who insist on knowing what’s really going on in their lives. That can ONLY be achieved through SELF-UNDERSTANDING so here’s a few words about what that is:
Human beings are a “package” of sexual energy. The expression of that energy depends on everything each organism is and every stimulation each organism receives. The responses of each person to the stimuli depend on the individual’s infinite number of decisions, defenses, and preferences in relation to real or imagined circumstances.
These circumstances being at birth and continue all life long. Every moment counts. The rub is however that so many moments occur that determine what we’re all about that we cannot have them all at our fingertips. Nevertheless they happen and in some way make their impact on how we are formed and therefore how we will react.
All stimulation that we encounter is stored in our subconscious mind. All of it has to do with how we experience life as long as we live. Whatever you are experiencing right now has to do in some way with all your previous experience. That is to say if you find yourself going around killing people or helping to heal them or trying to make them laugh, those choices come from preferences that were determined early in your life. (See my book We’re Having Sex Right Now! to understand how those preferences and tastes were formed in you.)
Now we all know people who think that psychology (the study of thinking and feeling) is a “bunch of krap.” Clearly these people have no interest in being responsible for their acts. They attribute the outcomes they live to fate, the will of God, their need for money, the government or something or other outside of them. They don’t want to be aware of the fact that they themselves are determining their experiences and the effects they have on others.
My heroes on the other hand are few and far between. They are very special people because above all they are interested in all the details that determine the expression of their sexual energy. These people take over the course of their lives by studying themselves for better or for “worse.” Hold it! Actually for them there is no “worse” because self-understanding automatically produces strength, confidence and satisfaction. Self-understanding automatically helps others as it enables students of themselves to set the example. These people maintain surveillance over everything they experience such that self-expression becomes externalized productively. My heroes constantly come up with new awareness of themselves and have the courage to allow their insights to become assimilated into spontaneous expression. These brave people enter the unknown (what they have not as yet discovered of themselves) with enthusiastic anticipation of self actualization. They recognize that they have been unconsciously committed to special sexual inhibitions that have become their sexual preferences. They know from experience that their suffering seeking energies cannot survive when they are perceived consciously. These people get into the rhythm of “getting better” for the rest of their lives.
My heroes don’t fit in to patterns of living set for them by others. They prize their individuality and practice self-love. There’s no way that these high principles can’t benefit all of us. Their progress is thrilling. They stand for happiness and sexual self-fulfillment. Their distinct special nature surprises and delights those in their midst. Their principal focus is self-understanding which is true responsibility. They are always curing themselves and set the example in that sense for all of us. These are the real heroes in this world because they don’t fear life. They don’t fear their fears, rages, hates, and depressions. They live them, respect them, assimilate them and in the process convert them into strengths. They know how to convert their previously subconscious energies that others may find abhorrent into their ever increasing capacity to LOVE. Living life as it really is, is only for the REAL HEROES in this world.
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Friday, July 21, 2006
AUNT MARY Dr. William E. P. Fairmont © William Paer, 2006 It wasn’t till these recent times that I realized that my Aunt Mary was nuts. What’s more, she had been a dangerous influence in my life even though I hadn’t seen or talked to her for forty or more years. What’s worse is that I had subconsciously cow towed to the likes of her whims and ways my whole life long. Here’s the story of what gave me my valuable insight: I went back to my home town after living in another country for over ten years. I decided to call “everybody” and Aunt Mary was one of “them.” As I expected, she seemed to be delighted to hear from me. She was as I remembered, always “happy and affectionate.” We agreed that we should get together, but I told her that I couldn’t be sure of the time and day because of commitments and possibilities, but I would keep in touch so we could firm things up. The following week I called her again, looking forward to our meeting now that time became available. When she recognized my voice there was a deafening silence. “Hello…hello…,” I said. There followed an explosion of hi-toned, anguished accusing me of being at least the worst person alive on this planet. Hadn’t we agreed to get together at her place Tuesday night?! She made a special dinner in my “honor” and invited her daughter and son-in-law and so on and SO ON! “Naturally” I apologized, but squeezed in that I made no such date with her. I shouldn’t have said that. Actually at that moment anything I might have said would have been a big mistake. Never had she been so INSULTED! NEVER!! In my flabbergasted innocence I suggested we make another date whereupon I discovered that I was wanted to never be seen again by her, her daughter and son-in-law, or anyone Aunt Mary had ever known or WILL EVER KNOW! I didn’t realize then what had really happened. That is, not like I realize what was going on as I am telling this story. More than twenty years have passed. Yet, Aunt Mary’s solo flight into some far out emotional dimension related to her private, masochistic apparatus still impresses me. Something like the following had to have happened: Poor dear Aunt Mary got all excited, or let’s say carried away with the unexpected hearing from her long-lost nephew. She bought food and made phone calls. She cleaned up the house and went on a crash starvation diet. There she was stirring the contents of a pot, planning her opening statements and the telling of special happenings over the years. All the while she knew (subconsciously) that there was no definite meeting confirmed. Yum, yum. As “planned,” the diabolical, masochistic blow-up was much juicier than the excitement of reuniting with the nephew. Come to think of it, she and I didn’t have much of even a superficial interacting relationship ever; that is till this monumental event rolled around. As for me, I remember holding the phone away from my ear and squinting as every one of her words were broadcast throughout the room. I admit to feeling like a little boy at that moment (I was fifty seven or so at the time). There was no way out. Were’nt nobody could convince Aunt Mary that perhaps she had “made a mistake.” Oh my God, oh my God, don’t even think about saying that! I further admit that I was tempted to think I might actually have done something really, really wrong. Here’s what occurred to me in these present days as what I consider to be the valuable insight: Aunt Mary is a respected member of the community I was raised in. Give or take particular individualities, she is not much different than thousands that live there. Each of those thousands have their boiling point based on real or imagined provocations. To put it mildly, Aunt Mary’s were imagined. She used me to justify her juicy explosion (It occurred to me that that kind of set-up could be one of her “favorite” ways of getting her sexual jollies). The point is that I realized I had grown up and been dramatically affected by wondering when Aunt Mary (and the other thousands) would blow! In a flash of thought I felt some of the impact in me (my doing—my responsibility) of great gobs of teachers, doctors, politicians, clergymen, police, friends etc. who all walked around in my town with fuses ready to be ignited by real or imagined flames. I still live in “another country.” When I first got here I experienced a dramatic change. I felt relaxed in a way I had never felt before. Of course, I put a lot of distance between me and thousands of “trigger happy” Aunt Mary’s. Nowadays alas, a good number of Aunt Mary’s have trickled into my new home town. Unfortunately for me they remind me every day to be as careful as possible with them. After all, Aunt Mary´s are nuts. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ONE DIMENSIONAL SEX—OR— HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME! Dr. William E. P. Fairmont © William Paer, 2006
Apparently modern life has been reduced to a sterile, kind of one dimensional expression. That being the case, things are obviously not working out well. Amazingly enough though, that doesn’t seem to matter! The going thing is a “life style” guaranteed to lead to ever worsening forms of misery. Considering however, that that’s practically all there is and therefore that’s practically all we know, any suggestion that might indeed better our circumstances is met with glary stares or no response at all. Meanwhile, on goes the boorish, boring progression designed to mechanize human beings such that when their parts wear out they try to get new ones but eventually, the whole works gets dumped into a junk yard. One crude evidence of this “marvelous” design for living is the advice doled out by the “sex by the numbers authorities.” They offer us a tremendous variety of things to do with the little sexuality that still might be available to some of us. They tell us what to say as well as how and when to say it…what and how to feel and what emotions to express…what equipment we can use…what to wear. They recommend exercises for the genitals such that when they’re ready, we can either stick them into a selection of holes or receive fingers, tongues, and penises or other items in our own holes. They remind us of positions we can try and parts we can touch, lick or suck on. They offer music, creams, oils, salves, colognes, and incense, as well as special foods and pills to make our penises stand up along with friction reducing lubricants to be applied when Mother Nature doesn’t feel like secreting them. Then, they want us to buy aftermath washout disinfectants, along with day after contraception, complete with instructions on how to not feel guilty about the day before. They educate us into a mind boggling number of ways to not get pregnant as well as how to hopefully avoid death as a result of “having sex.” Then practically in the same breath, they sell devices and procedures on how to get pregnant. All kinds of surgeries are prescribed to make our penises longer, our vaginas tighter and our breasts just the “right size.” (Isn’t anybody O.K. as they are?) They want us to smell certain substances and to give off special odors, to feel more at certain times and feel less at others, to ejaculate better, and to not feel any tension or inhibition about not knowing anything about the kind of things listed above. All this is to justify their constantly telling us that unless we consult with them, we’re doing it wrong. Naturally, when we’ve memorized all the instructions, followed all the advice, and purchased all the wear, substances and devices that they recommend; they tell us to ABOVE ALL BE SPONTANEOUS! I think it might be a good idea to take note of the strong probability that this comedy scheme is mostly made up of the voyeurism and guess work of these “experts.” Yet their desperate victims see what they preach as serious business. But hold it! ...a closer look might help us see that this kind of business, like others that extend into all walks of life is making us sick and depressed. What could possibly be wrong with all this silly-superficial manipulation of what people call their “sex lives?” In one word, “EVERYTHING!” Why? Because it leaves out practically EVERYTHING in the total make up of our lives. In the process, it separates our formation from the likes of prurient, lascivious, lustful, genital, seductive, erotic, and orgasmic action and interaction. That is to say, this kind of superficial manipulation leaves out the history of our thoughts and feelings. As a result, that “HISTORICAL EVERYTHING” gets defensively numb and as life goes on, increasingly more numb, turning human activities and relationships into threatening, over-under excitement while reinforcing repression and denial. Eventually, the effects of this pseudo intellectual, alienating hullabaloo stand a good chance of turning the denied energy in our constitution into some form of organic disease. To explain: We are sexual beings. That means every moment of our lives is full of sexual activity; some positive, some negative, some more intense than others. Every human response is a sexual response. Our lives are made up of innumerable ups and downs, inhibited and free expression, as well as direct and deviant thoughts and feelings. We are dynamic histories. We constantly change. Therefore, whenever we are consciously or subconsciously forced or choose to be in immovable, rigid or strictly intellectually controlled circumstances that do not let us take our entire psychic history into account; we’re in trouble. The part that doesn’t get expressed feels rejected, frustrated, depressed and angry. There’s no satisfaction in that. That makes the left out “HISTORICAL EVERYTHING” want to sulk, and feel self-pity. Granted, that maudlin, childish acting out can be sexually attractive to certain people, but even some of “them” will admit that it is severely limiting and is a perfect set up for an extremely troublesome existence. The “sex life” of a human being begins at conception. Every moment counts. If all we know during childhood is how to repress and deny our sexuality, which is our total capacity to express our energies, then we become experts in how to not be sexual—how to not love—and how to not recognize, respect and incorporate our best energy into everyday expression. But—Watch out!—Remember we’re sexual beings. We respond sexually to everything. So like it or not, if we’re frustrated, inhibited, and restrained, precisely that becomes our PREFERRED state of being—and no amount of “from the eyebrows up” advice, or creams, pills, machines etc. is going to whip that stubborn non-sexual lump of protoplasm into a sensual, sexual, hot-to-trot stallion or a sultry, succulent sex bomb. We all know that by sheer biological demands and even by faking, some arousals and climaxes take place. We also know that the aftermath is hell to pay. The sexual commitment to being withdrawn, sad, angry, upset, and frustrated will assert itself somehow—some way. The part that is ignored will automatically and resentfully say, HEY. WHAT ABOUT ME!? Needless to say, with all these gimmicks, gadgets, techniques and tactics struggling to manipulate our sterile, one-dimensional existence; there’s hardly any room for the sexuality in loyalty, appreciation, gratitude, fairness, commitment to happy outcomes, self-understanding, and healthy and happy well being. Furthermore, the principal “solution” for the inevitable frustrations and humiliations in life is eliminated by “sexologic manipulation” which is available to anyone in the offices of so called “experts,” in sex shops, in sex courses, sex books, pornography, etc. That “solution” is the intimacy that only exclusive love can foster. Only the confidence and self esteem formulated in a long term, ever and ever more profound appreciation can assuage, relieve and love the infantile inhibition and anguish buried in the subconscious mind. The “solution” inherent in exclusive love can develop between two people capable of loving each other. Pathetically enough, it is jeered at and maligned by distorted poor souls for whom this “solution” is completely out of reach. Unless we learn to integrate all of our energies into rational and straight forward sexual expression, some part of our energy will always deviate the flow of our “sex life” (our total expression) crying out in some way, HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME!?
Dr. William E. Paer Fairmont Clinical Psychologist
For more information read: WE’RE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW! by Dr. William E. Paer Fairmont
e-mail: williampaer33@yahoo.com drfairmont@realyoupsychology.com
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